Readers Page -for those who still can!
CONTENTS
1-At the Circus: Swimming With The Big Fish At The Blagojevich Fry. WHAT-TV reports from the defence table during Blago hearing.
2- "B" Team- Short novelette. High school jerks turn gym class ball game into nightmare.
Ettinger, Soroski, the other Blagojevich, Meineke...
(WHAT-TV pix, Cartoon by Stantiis, Chicago Tribune)
AT THE CIRCUS:
Swimming with the Big Fish at the Blagojevich Fry.
by Jack Hammond -WHAT-TV
1- Two Pissers
There’re only two urinals in the men's room on the twenty fifth floor of the Dirksen Federal Building, two urinals and one stall. These are the only facilities available for the guys visiting courtroom 2503, the courtroom where the “Family Secrets” guys, the Calabreses, Joey the Clown, etc. were tried and sentenced, where George Ryan went down. And today it would be where Rod Blagojevich and his high powered legal team would be asking the Honourable Judge James B. Zagel to subpoena the president of the United States, Barack Obama, along with Rahm Emanual, Dick Durbin, and who knows, Ron “Woo” Wickers, maybe, to testify on his behalf.
Oh, and also appearing in Judge Zagels’ courtroom today would be my kid, “Johnny”, who happens to be scheduled for a parole revocation hearing, in the same court room, at the exact same time, as Blago and the gang. I know, huh!?
You have to pass two checkpoints to even be up on the twenty fifth floor, and only credentialed press, or party's to a particular case are allowed. The elevator lets you off at the end of a long hallway lined with seven other elevators, four to a side. At one end is the US Marshalls service, where defendants have their own special elevator if they won’t be using the public ones.
The other end opens into a spacious waiting room with a great window view 25 floors down to Federal Plaza below, where Alexander Calders sculpture, “Flamingo”, scowls across the square. Across Adams street, you can see Dirksens twin sister , the Kluzsinski Federal Building, both designed by Ludwig Mies Van der Rohe. Together they house the federal apparatus for the Northern District of Illinois.
Two large corridors branch off right and left, the right one leading to a small complex of offices: the court secretaries, the court reporters, a conference room, Judge Zagels chambers (there’s a security ante room and an office before you get to them) and the solid hardwood doors of the “Hubert S. Will Memorial Courtroom.”, room 2503.
I checked the posted docket.
1:06-cr-00380 USA v. Hammond 12:00 Preliminary Revocation Hearing
1:08-cr-00888 USA v. Blagojevich 12:00 Notice of Motion
1:08-cr-00888 USA v. Blagojevich 12:00 Status Hearing
That’s my boy. Show’s on.
(I’m avoiding a more detailed explanation of the reason for “Johnny’s” appearance today, because the cases are still pending. Short version, the charges are highly political in nature and involves Chicago's bid for the Olympics, Nazis, Daley, hacker culture, the Picasso, civil disobedience, and holocaust denier David Irving hiding in a closet. Yeh.)
Though the lobby is spacious, there’s room for at best thirty people. I’m there early and stake out a chair in the middle of the room, so that whatever camp someone was in, somebody important would have to sit within earshot of me. Plus, most people won’t violate the one seat spacing rule, and I was not dressed in my Armani best that day, (I did have on my dark green camel hair ‘Bill Blass’, bought for three bucks at Good Will!) So at quarter to showtime, there were only two seats left: those on either side of me. Blago would have to sit there, right?
Instead, an old lion of the press, (still working out who it was) sits down next to me, and begins noisily dining on take out chicken stirfry. In between mouthfuls he asks about why I’m here, and I tell him. He seems to be getting angrier at every word, and occasionally barks “That’s bullshit.” and “... then that’s no crime.” We both talk about how tough Judge Zagel is until he finishes his lunch, wishes me luck, and deposits the styrofoam in one of the discreetly concealed trash containers, meticulously scraped clean of every spot of teriyaki sauce.
More players are arriving now. Here’s my kids prosecutor Assistant US States Attorney Brandon Fox, the FBI arresting officer, Special FBI Agent Brian Brasaukas and “Johnny’s” P.O. “Johnny” and his lawyer, who have been conferring downstairs, arrive and join the group. We all talk amicably, and double check each others information. G-man Brian and I know each other pretty well, and he asks me how’s business. “Good,” I say. “How ‘bout for you guys”. He laughs. “In this economy? ..Booming!.” 
Every time the elevator bell rings, everyone turns to see if it’s him, Blago. A few press straggle in, and Childers, who looks absolutely amazing (in a tailored summer floral outfit with a daring slit skirt), is speaking to another woman, late 20s, who is dressed like a secretary, but has a serious aura of confidence and purpose. This is a young, quietly powerful, behind the scenes woman, a producer maybe, who means business and is in total control. I would love to have a drink with her. They discuss projects they are each working on.
Then most of the press and hangers-on, who have been chillin in the lobby downstairs, arrive in a pack. Jeff Goldblatt (FOX News-Chicago) is the center of attention, as he tells some story about Rostenkowski and a helicopter. He can’t remember Rostys opponents name, and Kass, who happens to be walking by, shouts out ‘Flannigan”. He catches my eye and we nod. I knew that! Some woman asks “How do you remember all that?” and Kass shrugs, “It’s all part of the...” His voice is lost as Goldblatt interrupts and starts in again.
The place is filling up pretty good now. I’ve been there awhile, and now I find myself thinking again about those two urinals. But what if I’m in there, at one of the only two pissers for the whole floor, right? ...and up sidles the Rod the Mod himself, nodding at me as he unzips to take a wizz. I mean, is it ‘fuckin’ golden’?
The disgraced former governor of Illinois, one of the most recognisable people in America, outside a federal courtroom, angles up to the urinal next to you. What do you say? Go!!
(Me, nodding back:) “So, uh...what are you doing here?”
Good one, Jack. Fortunately, that didn’t happen, and everything came out O.K.
2- The Paper Industry Subsidy and Paralegal Employment Act (Sheldon Soroski Shakes his Money-maker)
The first thing you notice upon entering courtroom 2503 is the immense stack of black, labelled, folders on the right, the notorious thousands of hours of recorded phone calls, transcripts thereof, and tens of thousands of pages of testimony, stacked on two long folding tables triple high. Each folder is at least four inches thick, and there are at least 200 of them, all at the ready, should someone need to refer to some arcane wording or detail. You can almost sympathise with the high fees that are charged to process and sort through this minutiae. Almost.
The cost of producing the pile of folders, counting investigation, research, processing, salaries of the dozens of agents assigned to the case, is well in the
-illions of dollars. The prosecution better have it nailed, or the taxpayer is really on the ass end They won’t need any of the folders today, though, so it’ll all have to be packed up again and removed to storage until Blagos’ next court check in, sometime in late May, where it’ll all have to be reassembled again in case anyone wants to use it. A simple dedicated laptop computer could do all this and save a lot of trees.
The press has been relegated to the jury box. I recognise Kass, Paul Meincke, Childers, Goldblatt, several who I should know but I can’t match faces with names. Judge Zagel speaks very softly, so during the hearing, you can see the journalists all straining forward to catch his words. Kass even comments on it the next day in his column. Me, I’ma sitting at the back of the defence table, twenty feet away from the bench, , openly taking notes, and I can hear every word.
The court room audience is wall to wall with Gucci and Hugo Boss, the Chicago glitteratti, you know them all, schmoozing and finding seats for themselves to watch the circus. It is at this point that a crowd of “Johnnys’” colorfully dressed supporters, good street anarchists, all, who really know how to do circuses, enter loudly from the rear, and begin looking for seating among the bourgeoisie.
Many handshakes and highfives ensue, friends reunite, as the cream of Chicago media and legal look on, some in horror, most in amusement. Many have already looked up “USA vs. HAMMOND” when they saw it listed on the docket, and well remember the Olympic/Picasso incident and it’s dramatic TV footage. (After, there is even some mingling between the groups... .See! Blagojevich is able to bring dispirit groups together!)
At noon precisely, “All Rise!” is heard and Judge Zagel enters. He is not a tall person, but it is soon evident that he is the biggest man in the room .
Judge James Block Zagel is an extremely impressive man, with
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a formidable intellect. His resume is basically that of a cop and a prosecutor (the Speck murders). Recommended by Henry Hyde(!), and nominated to the bench by Ronald Reagan (!!), he was assistant attorney general and prosecuting attorney in Illinois and Arizona(!!!), and director of the Illinois State Police, and the Illinois Dept. of Revenue, among many other Illinois based things. (They say you want a judge who was a prosecutor: He always frets about the innocent guys he might have sent away, while a former defence attorney knows that they’re all guilty liars!) He is an author, (“Money To Burn”, a big heist caper, about a federal judge and a plot to loot th
e treasury. I read it,... excellent!), has acted in several films, and has a reputation as a cerebral jurist, and for not tolerating a lot of nonsense in his courtroom.
Blagojevich is all nonsense, of course, so you’d expect some good fireworks, but Judge Zagel listens carefully as Sheldon Soroski ( one of four Blago attorneys here today) outlines his reasons for subpoenaing the president and the others. You can tell Zagels’ already decided no, but he pretends the nonsense isn’t nonsense long enough to listen attentively, then to patiently explain that were any of these indictments to contain testimony that actually involves any of the named parties, he would hold the door open for further information. As it stands, those parties are not relevant to these specific charges. Soroskis’ motion is denied.
Then he refers to another motion filed by Sam Adam Sr. asking for the dismissal of the ‘Honest Services’ charges. Everyone laughs when Zagel thanks Adam for keeping the motion to one page.
This is a charge based on the idea that voters have a right to expect honest services from their elected representatives. While seemingly obvious, it’s a touchy legal nuance, because it’s hard to describe the difference between criminal negligence, or honest mistake, and the US Supreme Court is grappling with that very definition right now. Consequently, it is difficult for prosecutors to bring accurate charges that may survive a supreme court ruling, and they might have to revise or reword the charges later on (as they already have, twice). Because of this ambiguousness, Adam wants this charge thrown out, on the grounds that it is difficult for the defence to respond to constantly shifting charges, much less make a cogent opening statement.
Zagel shuts them down again. This is not an unreasonable accommodation, and the Supreme Court’s decision is expected in June, coinciding with the start of the trial. There is plenty of time to redefine the charges, and for the defence to respond. Zagel questions lead prosecutor Reid Schar (one of three) about how the case is proceeding, and then it’s over. Blagos team goes home empty.
3-The Doorkeeper at the Cavalcade of Media Stars.
Speaking of holding the door open, as Blagos hearing concluded, Judge Zagel exited momentarily, so I followed the crowd out into the lobby. AUSA Brandon Fox, my kids prosecutor, held the door for me and as part of my niceness assault, I gave him a big, smiling “Thank you!” and grabbed the door, holding it open as I waited for my folk to exit...and faced a single file procession of Chicago's press elite, with no break in sight that would enable me to abandon my new post any time soon. Some mumbled polite thank yous, some were officious and aloof, the serious girl averted (God, who is she), Childers, engaged, cool... Only Kass spoke to me more then a murmured thanks.
“You got stuck with the door, huh.”
Kass is a fine writer, and damn smart, though truly deluded on some things. I read him every day. He knows what his readers want to hear, I guess. I say:
“Yeh, you have to be selective. Hey, look, FOX news...(door slam)”
...in Jeff Goldblatts superior-ass face.
Because we actually have business with Judge Zagel today, too, we get out of Dirksen too late to catch much of the media zoo outside, but Soroski and Ettinger are still holding court with whoever will listen. Mienke and several others are still there with cameras. We hang around for a few, to see if anybody had anything interesting left to say. Nada.
Oh, and I got to watch the lady that draws those courtroom pictures at work. That was pretty cool. She’s really fast..
Blagojevich himself never did show up, nor Fitzgerald, all the gunfighter allegory aside. He ll have to show up eventually, tho.
Judge Zagel likes my kid, and his hearing was continued.... Jury selection for Blago starts June 3rd.
-jack
Blago/Nixon photo-WTTW/Time Out Chicago
Short Novelette by Jack Hammond
Up soon!!
